WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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