no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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