Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
