It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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