I will die if light touches me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize