if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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