honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
