Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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