we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
