I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
