So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
