I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
