Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
