Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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