I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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