I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
