so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Randomize
