You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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