His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
