Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
