And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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