i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
