She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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