If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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