allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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