New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
