i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
