it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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