he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
