I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
