ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
