It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
