I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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