My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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