If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
