i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize