I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I would fuck him just for his dog
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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