youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
