i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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