That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
