Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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