You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
