I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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