I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
