im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
