My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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