Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
