just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
