he puts the penis in happiness.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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