Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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