He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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