Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
