Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You made out with two different species that night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
