Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
