PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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