Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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