i don't plan on having that self control this summer
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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