i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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