In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
