so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
