Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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